The Practice

This is a re-post from facebook, but it seemed appropriate, S.


I have decided to record here some of the things I do as part of my spiritual practice. The first reason I thought of doing this is that I get inquiries en masse at different moments in my life and it seems I answer the same question over and over. A lot of these involve more practical application then theory so I was moved to start recording my own practices in hopes that they might be of some assistance to others. As I mulled it over in my mind several other reasons came up so I determined from that that it was a proper course of action. The results will let me know, I suppose. So here goes!

The current question.

“How do you still have true compassion and concern for the well-being of these people who have caused you so much pain/harm/distress?”

The short and cryptic answer is “enlightenment”. But I am always cautious of someone who claims enlightenment for themselves. It is, in fact, a paradox. Those who are enlightened do not claim to be unless and until they have been called so by many, many others and then only as a convenience for communication. After all, it is hard to teach when one is arguing semantics. The point is the answer gives no benefit to the inquirer.
“Master, how do you still love them?”
“Because I am enlightened…you’re not enlightened so you’re screwed…happy hating, Mr. “Ima be a slug in my next life”…hahaha!!”
Funny, but not very effective. And I definitely do not claim enlightenment.

So we move on to, “well, because I have forgiven them”.
This also leaves the supplicant somewhat dissatisfied as it lacks a how. And most who have forgiven don’t have an answer as they just came about forgiveness without much conscious effort. This happens with general hurts, sometimes, but what about the really big hurts or the more common little day to day offenses effected by our loved ones and those we are proximate to such as coworkers or schoolmates?
“Well you just forgive them” Yeah, like that works!

So the question that logically follows is “How do we forgive?”

About a year ago I started the following practice. It is a variation of the Shambhala Buddhist practice of Maitri. (No need to correct me here. I know, and the people that don’t know, don’t care)

The practice is done as a meditation but does not have to be formal (sitting on a cushion) as much as mindful. I actually do it often throughout my day as well as in a formal meditation. There are two points; you must be aware of the FEELING of forgiveness and you must attempt to withhold judgment.

You will move from feeling forgiveness for someone who is easy to forgive through stages to feeling it for someone who is difficult to forgive.

I begin with myself in mind. I don’t think of the things I feel I have done wrong. I do not judge. I only see myself as a whole and complete person. Happy, effective and however I want to truly be. I try to visualize a perfect “me”.
Then I say or think;

“I forgive myself. I offer myself Love and Understanding. I allow myself Peace, Joy and Freedom from my own judgments.”

You may vary these words to your liking as long as they relay forgiveness AND non judgment.

Note: Some people are so filled with self dislike that they find this first stage difficult. I would advise sticking with it as I believe we cannot give that which we do not have. If you cannot forgive yourself, you will not be able to truly forgive others. But if this is unbearable to you, you may start with your spouse, or parent or child or goldfish. The goal is to start with someone that is easy to forgive.

Next I move on to someone who is only slightly less easy to forgive.
I choose my children or some other family member as they have little indiscretions throughout the day that are very annoying but easily forgiven.

So I, again, visualize this person or persons as whole happy and complete beings with no emphasis on the actual offenses and no judgments of their actions.

“I forgive my Brother. I offer my Brother Love and Understanding. I allow him Peace, Joy and Freedom from my judgments.”

(Remember to FEEL it)

In these first two stages I learn to let go of petty offenses for my own sake. I release the pent up feelings of negativity that are associated with daily living. They are, after all, simply ways that the lower self uses to control the attention of the Higher Self.

Now I move on to the third stage. Same thing; more difficult. The subject of this stage is often the disgruntled coworker or in my case guest at the hotel…somebody outside of my immediate life who does something to upset me during my day; somebody easy to be angry at but perhaps harder to actually forgive. And usually, for me anyway, someone I have no desire to give a second thought to. But that promotes separation, not Unity, so I proceed. I tend to think family members fall into this category fairly often as well.

This example will be a crabby bank teller named Carol. Carol was not only rude, but appeared quite incompetent and actually wasted 3/4 of my lunch hour with her shenanigans…I was very upset. Once again, I visualize a happy and whole Carol.

“I forgive Carol. I offer Carol Love and Understanding. I allow Carol Peace, Joy and Freedom from my judgments.”

That will take a couple of recitations before it feels like I have actually forgiven. But that primes me for the final stage. In this stage I will extend forgiveness to those who most would perceive as “unforgivable”. As an example I will use “The Abusive Parent”. For those who have suffered abuse, forgiving it can seem impossible. This is where this practice gets truly serious and can effect dramatic change in your life. Please note that neither I nor my siblings were EVER abused by our parents. This is a fictional example.
If you have no one you can immediately think of then feel free to stop at the last stage. Others, knowing themselves a little deeper, may wish to address larger issues.
"Politicians" comes to mind here.

First I must visualize the person. This can be extremely difficult in and of itself. Now, I must visualize the person as a whole and happy, complete person without flaw. Again, this is very hard to do and just getting that visualization may be enough at first. Please don’t traumatize yourself!
Then I recite.

“I forgive my Parent. I offer my Parent Love and Understanding. I allow my Parent Peace, Joy and Freedom from my judgments.”

I reiterate here that you must try to actually FEEL the forgiveness.
It will be difficult like breaking through a wall, but once the feeling strikes you there is a wonderful sensation of release. There is an immediate healing of Spirit which takes place.

So there it is. This practice has helped me to forgive many small things and a few really big things over the last few years. It keeps all of the daily stresses caused me by myself and others from becoming overwhelming and a source for other issues. I have yet to become perfect, but this is one of my practices that help me to be a better person today than I was yesterday.
I welcome your thoughts.

Briefly...2.0

It has been some time since I posted to this blog. I have been posting irregular to facebook but, in truth, I simply lack the discipline for blogging! That being said, I do wish to try anew. I will be starting NEW BLOG today that will serve as my personal message to my estranged step daughter...(hmmm...I've never called her that before) but I also intend to begin posting here again as well. If you're still following me, you will receive a lil' notification that I have posted. May that be your "heads-up" to look for more! In the meantime, feel free to look over my facebook page and follow me on twitter (twitter.com/Lessthan3tim) some of my best stuff goes there! Love to all.